Translation Disorder
by ShadowFire52
Summary: England decided that he was going to teach his young brother how to speak "properly" though there was one little problem he could never get past. His little brother seems to change the words up and then there happens to be an annoying frog influance...


_**I should probably be working on my other stories though this was just so tempting I couldn't resist. It's what happens when I look the differences between Americans way of speaking and an English way of speaking. I mean I always knew there was a difference just not like it is. Well enough of me blabbing. I do not own Hetalia. **_

_**-XXXX-**_

England sighed as he ran a hand through his hair and just watched the young boy across the table coloring random doodles with his brand new crayons. "Ok now...try asking again..." he grumbled.

"Can I have a cookie?" the blond boy said not looking up from his drawings.

"No no..." England sighed once more "It is not cookie...not cookie. It is biscuit. Also not can I, may I. It's may I have a biscuit?"

With a laugh the kid spoke up "If you make them Awfur."

"Why- augh..." he held back. He could just go and yell and the kid what was he, eight or ten now and he still can't fully get his r's? Either way he couldn't yell at his little brother he hadn't seen for a while.

He went back to watching him color and thought about how to get the boy to speak properly. It already took a bit to get him from always speaking his native and yes, occasionally a word or two would slip into conversation though the boy needed to learn properly. England always spent some time when he visited teaching the boy properly.

He thought over another way to go past the difference for him "Alright Alfred...what did you sleep in as a baby?"

Alfred looked up this time "A cwib of couwse."

"No. You slept in a cot."

"Nu uh!"

Propping up his elbow England rested his head on his palm and let a small groan slip through his lips as he thought again _'The others aren't near as difficult...'_ "Let's try again...what did you wear as a baby?"

"Dipper."

"...It's called a nappy lad."

"No its not."

Now England could see a smirk on his brother's face and t annoyed him to no end "What comes after summer?"

"Fall."

"Autumn lad."

"Nope...fall."

Watching him switch crayons he decided to question "Where are you learning these?"

Alfred slowly stopped coloring to think of where he actually heard them "Don't wemember." the boy said "I just do. Maybe fwom my people..."

"Ah..." England mumbled as the boy went back to coloring and the man furrowed his large brows "What would you call someone without a home?"

"Hm..." Alfred thought "A hobo."

England's head fell from his hand to the table as he mumbled "No...its tramp..."

"You wear a shirt and-"

"Pants! I knew that one!" the boy said happily.

"Trousers...not pants."

"Whatever." the boy said still happy.

England scowled a bit. H knew he had taught the boy this before "Who do you not ever want to get in trouble with?"

"The patrolman."

"Constable." he'd have to try another, his brother had to remember something "When passing by a restroom you don't-"

"Peek."

"No you don't _peep_."

With that England could tell that an idea- that he wasn't going to like- was formulating in the kid's mind. "So Awfur...I _can_ peek?"

The man's face was tinted pink "Of course not!"

"You said I couldn't peep." he said with a smirk and started to balance crayon on his finger.

England fumed "You cannot peep, peek, look, whatever it is! It's a no!" he snapped at the boy.

"Uncle Fwancis told me used to and then get randy*." Alfred said "Awlso you used to be a punter*...you still awe though. And that its good you don't have a fanny* when you go to pubs and get thrashed on cider* becawse you awe a bit of a poof*...what does fanny and poof mean...?" and the ten year old went to acting like a sweet little five year old again while England was bright red.

_'THAT he remembers...'_

"F-Fanny is uh...your bum! Poof is uh...when something magically happens or appears!"

"That makes no sen-"

"Time for you to go play outside! Matthew should be coming to visit soon! Out out out!" England quickly pushed the complaining boy outside and slammed the door.

After a moment of shaking his head he walked over to the phone on the wall and rolled the dial and the operator picked up "Connect me to Francis Bonnefoy in Paris, France please."

_"Bonjoir."_

"When you bring Matthew drop him off at the door, knock, and leave. Also you are _NEVER _and I mean _**NEV-ER**_ allowed to have Alfred with you!" he yelled into the phone.

_"Honhonhon~ So he told you?"_

"FROG BASTARD!" and with that he slapped the phone back on the hanger.

-xxxxyearslaterxxx-

"Yo, old man I've got something I gotta tell ya."

Turning England groaned "What now you bloody git?"

America got a familiar smirk and laughed "When you get all randy in your room remember that the walls aren't soundproof." he said to the now beat red Brit "You kinda woke some of us last time and wasn't easy getting back to sleep when you decide to fix it."

England's mouth opened and shut but no words came out as he looked like a red fish. The younger blond just continued to laugh at him. Picking up his book the older man hit him with it "Out out out! Go find your brother!" he snapped and pushed him out and slammed the door and locking it.

_**-XXXX-**_

_***Being aroused.**_

_***Gambler in this case.**_

_***Low down women parts.**_

_***Alcoholic version of cider.**_

_***Rude way to call/say gay.**_

_**I'm sorry if my terms are wrong...internet sucks a bit. And I hope I wasn't the only one who was amused by this XD It's short than I wish but oh well. Ironically though I'm listening to Kiss With a Fist (Florence+The Machine) and I think of it would be perfect for a right before revolutionary times thing XD Well that's it.**_

_**Please Review!**_

_**clicky!**_


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